All My Children

When children quarrel, it does not mean that they are abnormal. Nor are they going to become social outcasts or juvenile delinquents. Most children have every chance in the world to become sensible young people, provided they are handled right. Parents should not make too much out of these occasional spats. Children can learn to get along with others if they are allowed to grow and develop normally. But if the quarrels are too frequent, something must be done to help.

If he is just acting this way, there is no doubt that some problem needs to be solved, and parents should never rest until they have found the cause of this strange behavior. Continue Reading »

Twin Communication

We’ve talked about the way in which twins often make decisions by consulting their partners, much in the way that some married couples do, but in the case of twins it can be a lifelong habit born of their common culture. This can leave the grown-up twin a little at a loss when it comes to making decisions on his own. He may find it difficult to make up his mind and look for opportunities to discuss the pros and cons with someone else. The plus side of this is that twins can be very helpful when others have problems to talk over and make excellent counsellors and personal friends. However they do have to be on their guard against the feeling that others are slow in understanding the ideas that they are trying to convey. Singles do not necessarily have the sixth sense that twins tend to develop along with language, and so will need a little more time and patience. Continue Reading »

School and its curriculum

It goes without saying that your teenager’s schoolwork should include the basics: reading, writing, math, history, and so forth. In general, it’s reasonable to assume that your local schools are staffed by men and women who take their job seriously and have their students’ best interests at heart. If your teenager is having problems understanding the material or getting the work done, you will want to review some basic strategies in Special Concerns.

But what if the problem isn’t academics but personality or ideology? What if a particular teacher seems to have it in for your son or daughter, or a class appears to be pushing a political or social agenda that disagrees with yours? What if the family-life or sex-education unit is contradicting everything you have been teaching at home? And, more important, what if your adolescent is subjected to ridicule for expressing a contrary point of view? Continue Reading »

Sexual abuse is so psychologically complex for the victim that its true incidence is difficult to ascertain. Shame and embarrassment heavily shroud this form of abuse, and many victims fail to report it. However, current estimates suggest that as many as 20 percent of children will be sexually abused in some way before they reach adulthood.²

It is important to understand that sexual abuse can take a variety of forms. The common denominator is that a child or adolescent is used in some way for the sexual stimulation of another person who is an adult or at least significantly older than the victim or someone who holds power or control over the victim. Sexual contact involves any form of physical touch that is intended to provoke sexual arousal of the abuser or the victim. This can include:

• Direct genital contact with the victim, including penetrative intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral), whether or not overpowering force was used.
• Fondling, rubbing, touching, or manipulating genitals or breasts, including simulated intercourse.

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The child must be protected from further harm.

In some cases, this may require taking the child out of the home, at least temporarily, either because it is clear that she is in immediate danger there or because concerns have been raised that are so serious that her safety must be ensured while the situation is investigated. Such an action can be traumatic for all concerned, even for the child who has been abused at home, but in most cases the ultimate goal of those who must make this type of decision is to keep families together, not break them apart.

If the abusing individual does not live at home, usually it is less difficult— but no less important—to see that the child is protected from further risk. This usually will involve keeping her away from any situations in which abuse may have taken place. Your commitment to her security should be made abundantly clear, especially if any threat has been made by the abuser. Continue Reading »

• You are much better off dating someone you know fairly well rather than someone who is a casual or chance acquaintance.
• In general, multicouple or group activities are less risky (and more fun) than single dates.
• Single dates—especially the first time with someone—should take place in public places. An invitation to a play or a sporting event is far preferable to “Come to my place to watch a video!” Be especially leery of the suggestion that it would be nice “to go someplace private to talk.” Enjoyable and meaningful conversation can happen anyplace where two people can hear each other’s voices.
• Consider accepting a blind date only if the person carries a strong endorsement from someone you trust. Even then, this should not be a single date.
• Bring your own money. Paying your own way in the early stages of a relationship can help establish your independence. Even if your date picks up the tab, you might need cash for transportation home if things get out of hand.
• Stay sober. Alcohol and drugs cloud judgment and put you off guard and off-balance.
• Never leave a restaurant, party, or other get-together with someone you just met.
• Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel right about the way the date is progressing, bail out. A little awkwardness is far better than a sexual assault. Call home at any time, and a parent will come get you, no questions asked.
• Avoid situations in which you do not feel on equal footing with your companion. If you feel unequal, intimidated, awestruck, or indebted to your date in some way, your willingness to assert yourself may be weakened or delayed. Unhealthy situations include relationships with men more than two or three years older than you, an employer, a teacher, or someone to whom you or your family owes a debt.
• Beware of expensive gifts and lavish dates. Too many guys still carry the Neanderthal notion that picking up the tab for a nice evening entitles them to a sexual thank-you. If your date presents that message, don’t hesitate to straighten him out. Declining a present that appears to have strings attached is a healthy way to set boundaries.
• Look out for the control freak, someone who insists on his way and ignores your likes and dislikes. If he shows contempt for your tastes in restaurants, movies, and music, he may also have little regard for your physical boundaries.
• Beware of the person who tries to isolate you from your other friends and your family or who constantly bad-mouths them. If he is extremely possessive and wants you all to himself, chances are he will eventually want all of you sexually as well.
• Steer clear of guys who tell raunchy jokes, listen to sexually explicit music, enjoy pornography, or make degrading comments about women. These men have an attitude disease about women and sexuality, and they don’t belong in your life.
• Don’t waste your time with anyone who won’t accept your limits; who begs, pleads, and haggles for physical contact; or who trots out worn and pathetic lines such as “If you loved me, you’d do it” or “Trust me….” Anyone who pressures you for sexual favors is a loser and an abuser and most certainly doesn’t love you.

  

Set up your expectations and ground rules about dating in advance— well before your teenager asks if he or she can go out with someone.

Each family will have to set its own standards, but extremes are best avoided, Rigid parental control through high school and beyond (including selecting a limited number of “acceptable” candidates for courtship) stifles growth and independence and virtually guarantees rebellion. But a lax, anything-goes approach without parental guidelines is like handing the car keys to someone who has had no driver’s training.

Think seriously about adopting a stepwise approach, especially for your adolescent’s first socializing experiences with the opposite sex. Many parents have a policy that if someone wants to spend time with their son or daughter under age eighteen, the first step will be an evening at home with the family or joining in a family activity such as dinner and a movie or a ball game. Continue Reading »

Gogs and Bumper had a big surprise for the Freaky children. All the Freaky children had been sick in bed with coughlitus. They had been coughing, sneezing and sniffing for a week. It hadn’t been fun and Gogs and Bumper had stayed away so that they didn’tcatch the coughlitus germs.

So, to cheer the children up, Gogs had made them a big cake with lots of icing and sprinkles and Bumper had helped her to decorate it. When the children got home after their first day back at school, they couldn’t believe their eyes! On the table was an enormous cake with a hundred candles stuck on top. And would you believe it, all the candles were singing, “Surprise, surprise, what a nice surprise!” Continue Reading »