All My Children

One of our twins is much less clever than the other but it wasn’t until they started school that it really showed. The teachers have kept them together in the same group so that the brighter twin can help the other one, but it is holding her back and not really helping her sister to stand on her own feet.

Separate classes and possibly separate schools may be the best answer. One may move ahead of the other and they will probably quite happily accept the situation if they can make their own friends at their own level. It will make it easier for you to praise them both when they do well, without any comparison with their twin. Continue Reading »

One of my twins eats well but the other one looks like his shadow. He says he doesn’t want to get fat like his twin brother, but I’m worried that he isn’t eating enough.

It sounds as though eating well may be important in your family and most of us expect our sons to have healthy appetites.

If they are non-identical twins and only one is going through a rapid growth stage, one may grow taller and thinner than the other if they both eat the same. However, if they are both at the same stage of development they may be using their weight as a way of establishing their individual identities, particularly if they are identical twins. Continue Reading »

Similar looking non-identical twins may have some of the same problems that are experienced by identical twins. Others mix them up, and they may have difficulty in being seen or seeing themselves as separate individuals. They can sometimes get their own body image mixed up with that of their twin and have beliefs about themselves that are not borne out by reality. Even dissimilar twins may fall into this trap. They are perpetually comparing themselves, or being compared, with their twin, and differences may become exaggerated. One twin may feel that he can never be ‘good enough’ if his twin seems more handsome, more clever or more popular. He may either become depressed or only feel that he has a role when he’s in the company of his twin and can bask in his reflected glory. The co-twin, who appears so confident, may also need to be with his twin to convince himself of his superior identity that might lack reality if he compared himself only with the larger group. Continue Reading »