All My Children

A child doesn’t want to be “kept quiet.” He needs and wants to do things that are important to him. For example, it is always exciting for the young child to investigate the contents of a purse—but nothing can compare with turning his mother’s purse inside out. Fascinating as adult secrets are in general, none are more interesting than those of one’s parents. The child is curious about the contents of his parents‘ drawers! What other people do, what they have, how they organize things—all these become important as the child begins to learn about the differences in how things are done by his family and how they’re done in other households. But first he wants to learn how things are done at home. Continue Reading »

There are a number of venereal diseases in America and Western Europe. Those which most people know about are called syphilis and gonorrhoea. Another of these diseases which has become increasingly common in Britain is known by the rather long name of non-specific urethritis. There are a few other rare venereal diseases and other minor conditions which can be caught by contact between the sexual organs, but which do not have effects on health nearly as serious as those resulting from syphilis and gonorrhoea.

In the old days a lot of people used to think that you caught V.D. just by having sexual intercourse with somebody to whom you were not married. Some people had superstitious ideas that marriage conferred immunity from venereal disease. Until the last few years it was in fact the case that venereal disease was unusual and caught mainly from prostitutes. But now, owing to the changes in sexual practices which have taken place recently, gonorrhoea at least is the second most common infectious disease in Britain, and a person is unlikely in fact to catch it from a prostitute, prostitutes being particularly well aware of how to avoid gonorrhoea. Continue Reading »

Teenager Ache in the Groin

A boy who is involved in petting which causes him to have erections for long periods without orgasm is apt to develop an ache which seems to be located vaguely in the lower abdomen or in the groin (the groove between abdomen and thigh) or in the testicles. This ache may last for a day or so at a time. The medical name for the condition is varicocele.

Erection of the penis is brought about partly by a constriction of the veins which lead the blood away from the penis. This same constriction causes an engorgement of the veins coming from the testicles and the seminal vesicles and this is the explanation of the ache in varicocele. In Nature’s scheme of things, sexual excitement is expected to lead to intercourse with orgasm, and that puts an end to the constriction of the veins. Continue Reading »

Self-Consciousness and Fear of Illness Several factors make an adolescent uncomfortably aware of himself and worried about his physical and mental health: his rapidly changing body draws his attention inwards. So do his turbulent new feelings. A tendency to guiltiness about sex—even in this day of much greater tolerance— often lies behind his vague fears that he may have harmed his body, that he has acquired a venereal or other disease, that he is losing his mind.

Underlying these factors is the uneasy sense of having lost his earlier identity as a child of the family and of not yet having acquired an independent one as an adult.

A teenager because of such worries has a special need of a sympathetic teacher at school or a social worker, or an understanding doctor or clergyman. Continue Reading »

Other electronic media

The potential hazards of unrestricted access to video games and computer on-line services (including the Internet).

Literature and nonliterature, including pornography

While you want to encourage reading as an alternative to TV watching, pay attention to the material your adolescent brings home from the library or bookstore. Much of what lands on current best-seller lists is truly pulp fiction, laced with vivid scenes of horror, violence, and sex that are far more explicit than the contents of most R-rated films. Continue Reading »

Sexual abuse is so psychologically complex for the victim that its true incidence is difficult to ascertain. Shame and embarrassment heavily shroud this form of abuse, and many victims fail to report it. However, current estimates suggest that as many as 20 percent of children will be sexually abused in some way before they reach adulthood.²

It is important to understand that sexual abuse can take a variety of forms. The common denominator is that a child or adolescent is used in some way for the sexual stimulation of another person who is an adult or at least significantly older than the victim or someone who holds power or control over the victim. Sexual contact involves any form of physical touch that is intended to provoke sexual arousal of the abuser or the victim. This can include:

• Direct genital contact with the victim, including penetrative intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral), whether or not overpowering force was used.
• Fondling, rubbing, touching, or manipulating genitals or breasts, including simulated intercourse.

Continue Reading »

But even when appropriate precautions have been taken, it is possible that your daughter will be the victim of a sexual assault. The odds are at least one in ten (some researchers say one in four) that she will be coerced into unwanted sex at some point in her life. As unpleasant as it may be to discuss this topic, she should know what (and what not) to do if this occurs, whether the attacker is an acquaintance or a stranger.

First, she should get to a safe place as quickly as possible and then contact a family member and the police immediately. In the emotional aftermath of an assault, the urge to deny what has happened may cause a victim to wait days or weeks to report it. But doing so reduces her credibility and makes prosecution of the attacker more difficult. Reporting the assault right away can help her regain a sense of control, obtain proper medical care, and guarantee personal safety Furthermore, it is important that all physical evidence of the attack be preserved She should not shower, bathe, douche, or even change clothes, even though it is normal to feel an overwhelming urge to rid herself of every trace of the attack. Continue Reading »

There are limits to unquestioning acceptance of a child’s behavior, whether it relates to sexual identity or anything else, and appropriate course corrections may be necessary from time to time. If a boy has decided to see how he might look in a dress and makeup, for example, parents can and should calmly set house rules about attire, just as they do about other everyday activities. If a daughter’s interests don’t mesh with those of other girls in the neighborhood, she may need help finding some friends with whom she can share common pursuits. If a child’s behavior or mannerisms are so eccentric that they alienate or draw fire from others, especially in areas involving sexual identity, it is definitely appropriate to initiate changes to prevent the child from developing an ongoing sense that he or she is different from, and perhaps not accepted by, others. (This painful sense of being marginalized during childhood can play a role in the development of a homosexual identity later in life.) Just as in every other area of shaping and molding a child’s behavior, this should be done without browbeating or sarcasm.

Although sexual abuse certainly doesn’t lead to a same-sex orientation all or even most of the time, it may contribute to the process. If, for example, a young boy has one or more sexual experiences with an older boy or man, he may derive some physical pleasure from these activities and thus decide early on that he is homosexual. Continue Reading »

In most deliveries, no one can be certain whether to announce “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!” until all of the baby has emerged from the birth canal. Over the next several months, a baby’s gender is signaled to the outside world primarily by the way he or she is dressed and possibly by the way the hair is fixed (assuming there is enough to fix). As the toddler becomes a preschooler and then enters the school- age years, indicators of maleness or femaleness begin to encompass more than clothing and hairstyles.

During these early years nearly every parent sends a multitude of messages and cues that suggest, or even explicitly state, what it means to be a boy or a girl. At the same time parents begin to look for behavior patterns that suggest their child has accepted his or her sexual identity. Considerable worry can develop if one or both parents start to wonder whether their child is getting the picture about what it means to be male or female. They may think, My boy likes to play store and draw pictures all day, and he can’t throw a ball three feet—what kind of sissy is he turning into? Continue Reading »

Set up your expectations and ground rules about dating in advance— well before your teenager asks if he or she can go out with someone.

Each family will have to set its own standards, but extremes are best avoided, Rigid parental control through high school and beyond (including selecting a limited number of “acceptable” candidates for courtship) stifles growth and independence and virtually guarantees rebellion. But a lax, anything-goes approach without parental guidelines is like handing the car keys to someone who has had no driver’s training.

Think seriously about adopting a stepwise approach, especially for your adolescent’s first socializing experiences with the opposite sex. Many parents have a policy that if someone wants to spend time with their son or daughter under age eighteen, the first step will be an evening at home with the family or joining in a family activity such as dinner and a movie or a ball game. Continue Reading »