All My Children

For example, a child may repeatedly put blocks, toy figures, or other small objects into a truck or box, only to spill them out, put them back in, and spill them out again. A problem with which he may thus be struggling in symbolic form is the one posed to him by defecation: “How is it that something put into my body, such as food, comes out of it, often in small pieces? Does it mean I am losing something permanently from my body?” Putting his blocks into a truck and spilling them out again shows him that, contrary to his anxiety, nothing gets permanently lost in this process. A truck is good for this play because it moves about easily, as the child does, and it carries within its body the small pieces that get spilled out, as he carries food within his body, only to spill the contents of his bowels into the toilet. Continue Reading »

There are many contributions that only parents can make to their child’s play. For example, no teacher, and certainly no age-mate, can be as deeply and personally involved in play that seems to relate to the child’s future as are his parents. Play is anchored in the present, but it also takes up and tries to solve problems of the past, and it is often future-directed as well. Continue Reading »

The ‘plus’ in ‘five-plus’ probably stands for ‘at last I’ve got a bit of time to myself!’

Twins are expensive, no hand-me-downs and two of everything, so mothers may now start to look for a part-time job if they have not already found one. Not only does this help the household budget but it also offers the opportunity to spend some time with adults to whom they are not ‘the twins‘ mother‘. It’s unlikely that colleagues will be left in ignorance for long!

If there are no younger children, the absence of the twins can feel very strange at first. Parents who have been waiting longingly for the first day of school may find themselves waiting equally anxiously for school to finish at the end of the day. Continue Reading »

Similar looking non-identical twins may have some of the same problems that are experienced by identical twins. Others mix them up, and they may have difficulty in being seen or seeing themselves as separate individuals. They can sometimes get their own body image mixed up with that of their twin and have beliefs about themselves that are not borne out by reality. Even dissimilar twins may fall into this trap. They are perpetually comparing themselves, or being compared, with their twin, and differences may become exaggerated. One twin may feel that he can never be ‘good enough’ if his twin seems more handsome, more clever or more popular. He may either become depressed or only feel that he has a role when he’s in the company of his twin and can bask in his reflected glory. The co-twin, who appears so confident, may also need to be with his twin to convince himself of his superior identity that might lack reality if he compared himself only with the larger group. Continue Reading »

The child must be protected from further harm.

In some cases, this may require taking the child out of the home, at least temporarily, either because it is clear that she is in immediate danger there or because concerns have been raised that are so serious that her safety must be ensured while the situation is investigated. Such an action can be traumatic for all concerned, even for the child who has been abused at home, but in most cases the ultimate goal of those who must make this type of decision is to keep families together, not break them apart.

If the abusing individual does not live at home, usually it is less difficult— but no less important—to see that the child is protected from further risk. This usually will involve keeping her away from any situations in which abuse may have taken place. Your commitment to her security should be made abundantly clear, especially if any threat has been made by the abuser. Continue Reading »

Every parent dreads the prospect of discovering that his child is falling behind or utterly failing in one or more subjects in school. Whether the news is delivered by a teacher or suspected when a child is having difficulty in a home-school environment, it is very important to work diligently to find out what is (or isn’t) going wrong and then seek to correct it or at least make improvements as soon as possible. The emotional distress of falling behind, of feeling overwhelmed, or of being singled out as “stupid” or a “retard” can be devastating to a child and can start him on a downhill spiral with disastrous consequences. The child who decides that school isn’t for him and isn’t worth the hassle will “check out,” first emotionally and then literally, charting his first steps on a course toward low- paying, unskilled labor or even unemployability because of inadequate job skills. In a worst-case scenario, the frustrated child or adolescent will find others who share his lack of regard for school, increasing his risk for destructive or even criminal activity. Continue Reading »