All My Children

An uncomfortable problem for you as an idealistic young person, especially in the early teens, is the sharp contrast between the physical side of sex and the romantic, tender, spiritual side. By the time you are in your late teens or early twenties, these two aspects will tend to fuse together (sooner in one individual, later in another), giving strength and meaning to each other. But at first they are so opposite that they seem to battle against each other. Continue Reading »

There are limits to unquestioning acceptance of a child’s behavior, whether it relates to sexual identity or anything else, and appropriate course corrections may be necessary from time to time. If a boy has decided to see how he might look in a dress and makeup, for example, parents can and should calmly set house rules about attire, just as they do about other everyday activities. If a daughter’s interests don’t mesh with those of other girls in the neighborhood, she may need help finding some friends with whom she can share common pursuits. If a child’s behavior or mannerisms are so eccentric that they alienate or draw fire from others, especially in areas involving sexual identity, it is definitely appropriate to initiate changes to prevent the child from developing an ongoing sense that he or she is different from, and perhaps not accepted by, others. (This painful sense of being marginalized during childhood can play a role in the development of a homosexual identity later in life.) Just as in every other area of shaping and molding a child’s behavior, this should be done without browbeating or sarcasm.

Although sexual abuse certainly doesn’t lead to a same-sex orientation all or even most of the time, it may contribute to the process. If, for example, a young boy has one or more sexual experiences with an older boy or man, he may derive some physical pleasure from these activities and thus decide early on that he is homosexual. Continue Reading »

As your child approaches puberty, you are going to have to shift gears from talking about sex in general to more specific briefings on his or her own sexuality. Whether you make this a specific discussion or include it as part of a more extensive explanation of what lies ahead during the adolescent years, you will want your child to be ready for the physical changes that are about to take place.

Girls need to know about breast development, new hair growth, and the reproductive cycle. The first menstrual period should be viewed in a positive light, as a passage into adulthood rather than a burden or a “curse of women.” Some parents honor the occasion by taking their daughter to dinner at a nice restaurant or presenting a special gift. This event is usually the final stage of pubertal development. If you and your daughter stay in communication about the changes she is experiencing’, you can usually anticipate and discuss what she can do if her first period begins when she’s away from home. Continue Reading »