All My Children

Varieties of Love

There are at least half a dozen quite different varieties of love, all of which go by the same label. In infancy and early childhood love is principally dependent : the small child is tied tightly to his mother, turns to her for all his wants, feels anxious if she is away for long, is elated when she returns. Though dependent love decreases throughout childhood, there is, of course, still an attachment to parents in adulthood. Even married love has a dependent element in it. Love of God is, in part, like the dependent love of parents, though it usually has other spiritual and mystical qualities as well.

By about the age of three, a child begins to be able to love other children companionably and generously, loves his parent of the same sex with intense admiration and develops a romantic and sexual and possessive love for the other parent. These all come under the heading of spontaneous, outgoing love. Continue Reading »

All adolescents go through physical and emotional changes which affect relationships within the family. They can be up one day and down the next. They can be difficult, argumentative and moody, or delightful, helpful and friendly all in the space of the same week.

Adolescents tend to look at life through a magnifying glass. The singer is not just a singer, but a ‘pop idol’, clothing is often extreme, friendships are intense. Those whom they don’t like may be seen as enemies. Feelings within the family are also magnified. Past jealousies and resentments may now be expressed ‘times ten’ and parents of twins can experience considerable guilt at what they appear to have done to their adolescent children. The more they try to placate them, the worse it seems to get. Continue Reading »

Love in many ways encompasses and surpasses other virtues, as stated by the apostle Paul nearly 2,000 years ago:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Children should be taught—and shown—how to love their friends, neighbors, and even adversaries. Continue Reading »

Differences of opinion with a growing adolescent on a variety of subjects are inevitable. Even the teenager who is compliant and agreeable will lock horns with you eventually—or become expert at quieter ways to demonstrate her opinions. When you are challenged on a rule at your home or you see or hear your teenager doing something you don’t like, you’ll need to heed these principles:

To quote the apostle Paul, “Do not exasperate your children“.If you choose to comment, nag, or nudge about everything she does that isn’t up to your standards, be prepared for several years of misery. Yes, she needs your guidance. The choices she makes now can have significant consequences, and she still has lots of room for improvement. But if she hears about her deficits constantly, she will become frustrated and eventually hostile. And guess who she won’t want to talk to if there’s a real problem. If all the nitpicky stuff arouses nonstop criticism at home, she can only imagine what will happen in response to a major mistake. Continue Reading »

In order to give adequate attention to the needs and development of infants and toddlers, there should be:

• at least one caregiver for every three children younger than two years of age. If at all possible each infant or toddler should have a main caregiver— that is, someone with whom she has an ongoing and consistent relationship.
• at least one caregiver for every four children between two and three years of age.
• at least one caregiver for every eight children between three and six years of age.

With these basic principles clearly in mind, you must also evaluate several aspects of any potential child-care arrangement, including short-term (baby- sitting) care: Continue Reading »