All My Children

Through play, more than any other activity, the child achieves mastery of the external world. He learns how to manipulate and control its objects as he builds with blocks. He gains mastery of his own body as he skips and hops and jumps. He deals with psychological problems by reenacting in play those difficulties he has encountered in reality, as when he inflicts on his toy animal a painful experience that he himself has suffered. And he learns about social relations as he begins to realize that he must adjust himself to others if satisfying play is to continue. Continue Reading »

Charity begins at home, and so does learning about aggression. A child will understand that shooting and killing people is wrong when the parent who was playfully made a target inquires who is going to pour the milk in the future or go to the store for ice cream. Such a question can convince a child of the need to keep his aggression under control in his own best interests, as no abstract description of the horrors of war could do. To be told that what we want to do—shoot the gun—is wrong annoys and frustrates us, and puts us on the defensive. But realizing things on the basis of one’s own experience and interest—that is, a parent who has been shot can no longer serve the child—makes the learning become positive. Continue Reading »

Some children keep score on their ability to exercise this type of self- control, and they know very well that the issue is the ability of their mind, or will, consciously to dominate the spontaneous reactions of their body. These games are so common that one may assert that all children, at one time or another, engage in games whose main purpose is to test themselves and their performance. I knew one six-year-old, for example, who kept score through checking off one of two columns which he had labeled “Me” and “My mind,” indicating that for him the issue was not whether he or his partner won, but how well his mind could control his body. Continue Reading »

Children of all ages need to know their own family rules and what to expect if they forget them.

Perhaps the most important rule for every child is that he must tell his parents where he is going, who he is going to play with and if there is any change of plan. Parents knowing where their children are means security for children and peace of mind for parents.

When parents are angry they can often threaten punishments that are difficult to carry out. For example, if a child has failed to tell his parents that he’s going to a friend’s house after school, he may be told that he will not be allowed out after school for a whole week. After two or three days the child may have become so bored and irritable, and is making life so impossible for his parents, that they give in and the child goes out to play. Once parents have given in, children become more powerful. They have found out that they can make their parents change their minds. When they are twins, the pressure is greater. Continue Reading »