All My Children

The runner who times himself or tries to increase his distance and speed, while consciously exercising for his health, is subconsciously trying to prove himself to himself, and unconsciously trying to prove his worthiness to his parents or whoever has taken their place in his unconscious. With good reason the first great athletic competitions were religious festivals, or were intrinsically connected with them. Continue Reading »

It is difficult to break away from parents to whom you are close and the adolescent often has feelings of guilt. For this reason the magnifying glass may be used to exaggerate parents‘ faults and attitudes in order to justify breaking away — parents who are too understanding can actually make the process more difficult. Parents who seem unlike the ‘ideal’ parents presented by the media or decided upon by the larger adolescent group to whom the child belongs may be criticized. Many adolescents become so self- conscious about themselves, that this self-consciousness is enlarged to include the parents, who become a constant source of embarrassment to the teenager. This can be a testing time for parents, particularly if they begin to look at themselves and each other through the adolescent’s magnifying glass. Compromise and tolerance are as essential between parents as they are between parents and adolescent, and parents can set an example that is well worth passing on. Continue Reading »

All adolescents go through physical and emotional changes which affect relationships within the family. They can be up one day and down the next. They can be difficult, argumentative and moody, or delightful, helpful and friendly all in the space of the same week.

Adolescents tend to look at life through a magnifying glass. The singer is not just a singer, but a ‘pop idol’, clothing is often extreme, friendships are intense. Those whom they don’t like may be seen as enemies. Feelings within the family are also magnified. Past jealousies and resentments may now be expressed ‘times ten’ and parents of twins can experience considerable guilt at what they appear to have done to their adolescent children. The more they try to placate them, the worse it seems to get. Continue Reading »

Teach children to share their resources. As you provide money for your children, teach them the rewards of giving to others. Talk to them about the importance of giving back to God (who, don’t forget, owns everything) by contributing regularly to church and other ministries. Encourage them by your own example.

Teach children to save. Even during the preschool years, it’s not too early to teach your child to save for the future. As she gets older, she can also learn “the magic of compounding”—how money accumulates over time when left in an account that earns interest. Continue Reading »

Children begin thinking about “what I want to be when I grow up” early in life, as they play with their friends and watch their parent(s) go off to work every day. An ideal time to start career preparation is during the preteen years. Take the time to expose your children to a variety of occupations. If your daughter is interested in medicine, for example, let her spend time talking to her physician about the demands and rewards of this profession. The same approach can be taken for virtually any type of career that might interest your child. Continue Reading »

A persistent sad or negative mood

Most parents may at some point, if not frequently, complain that their teenager has a “lousy attitude.” It isn’t at all unusual for adolescents to experience emotions and mood swings that seem out of proportion to the circumstances. But the depressed child or teenager seems to be in a perpetual slump.

Unfortunately, you won’t hear a young person say, “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been depressed for the past several weeks.” Instead, you may see any of a number of the following signals that would appear disconnected: Continue Reading »

Many of the unique features of depression among young people also increase their risk of suicide. In particular, the intensity of their emotions and a shortage of life experiences that might allow them to imagine a hopeful future beyond an immediate crisis may give rise to self-destructive behavior, especially on an impulsive basis. In order to reduce the chance of a tragic loss of life, be aware of not only the signs of depression, which have already been listed, but also of the following risks and warning signs:

• A previous suicide attempt. This is considered the most significant predictor of a future suicide; more than 40 percent of adolescents who commit suicide have attempted it at least once in the past.

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Four factors set the stage for adolescent drug use:

Attitudes of parents toward tobacco, alcohol, and other substances. Children learn what they live. Smoking, drinking, and other drug-related behaviors among parents will usually be duplicated in their children.

Attractiveness of drugs. Smoking and drinking are widely promoted as habits enjoyed by sophisticated, fun-loving, attractive, and sexy people— what most adolescents long to become. Illegal drugs are “advertised” by those using them in an adolescent’s peer group. Continue Reading »

Experts in adolescent substance problems have identified a common progression of alcohol- and drug-related behaviors that moves from bad to worse. While it is not a foregone conclusion that everyone who experiments with drugs will progress to the worst stages of involvement, a child can already have incurred a lot of damage before parents or others notice that something is wrong. Secretive adolescent behavior and skillful lying, combined with parental denial (”No one in our family could have a drug problem!”), may delay identification of the problem. While paranoia and daily inquisitions around the breakfast table are counterproductive, wise parents will keep their eyes and ears open and promptly take action if they see any signs that a problem may be developing. Continue Reading »

The task of achieving independence from parents

With rare exception, adolescents develop a powerful drive to become independent, to be in charge of their daily affairs and their future. As a result, bucking the limits, challenging authority, and resisting constraints imposed at home and school are pretty much par for the course. Just as in the first adolescence of toddler days, the extent of willfulness and the lack of good judgment can at times be spectacular. And while it may sometimes seem outrageous, some degree of struggling against parental control is a normal and necessary part of growing up. Continue Reading »