All My Children

Premarital sex can also cause great emotional stress, and God wants to protect our children from that. Perhaps the biggest problem is the guilt that comes from knowing one has violated God’s standards.

As one young person said, “One of the worst feelings many sexually active people experience is to get up the next morning and realize the person lying next to them is a total stranger. This ‘morning after’ syndrome robs a person of a healthy self- image and a clear conscience, which decreases his ability to experience the transparency needed to cultivate an intimate relationship. On top of that, flashbacks from past sexual encounters can haunt a person the rest of his life, which can leave him feeling ‘grimy’ in the hands of his current lover.” Continue Reading »

Lastly, God wants our children to wait until marriage for sex to protect them from relational problems. The first of these is a breakdown in communication. One young person said, “Like many others, I have learned that if there is too much touching in a relationship, it can cause uneasy feelings which lead to lack of communication.”

Wrote another, “Spending this time on sex takes away from time which could be spent getting to know each other more. Just at the time when the two need to talk most about their deepening feelings, problems they have, and so on, the verbal communication is stopped.” Continue Reading »

1. Find opportunities to share the ideas with your child. It is tempting to be dictatorial, but far better to discuss or suggest. “Have your ever considered that . . . ?” is a good way to start. The discussions should be informal. Look for natural opportunities. This will require you to be always alert and ready. Teens are usually more responsive in relaxed, spontaneous situations, and so be on your guard to seize opportunities as they arise.

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Teenager Ache in the Groin

A boy who is involved in petting which causes him to have erections for long periods without orgasm is apt to develop an ache which seems to be located vaguely in the lower abdomen or in the groin (the groove between abdomen and thigh) or in the testicles. This ache may last for a day or so at a time. The medical name for the condition is varicocele.

Erection of the penis is brought about partly by a constriction of the veins which lead the blood away from the penis. This same constriction causes an engorgement of the veins coming from the testicles and the seminal vesicles and this is the explanation of the ache in varicocele. In Nature’s scheme of things, sexual excitement is expected to lead to intercourse with orgasm, and that puts an end to the constriction of the veins. Continue Reading »

A decision to use birth control pills should not be made casually. A medical evaluation to rule out other causes of pain may be necessary. Nausea, headaches, bloating, and/or worsening of acne are unpleasant side effects experienced by some users. The pills must be taken consistently each day to be effective.

In addition, the use of birth control pills may raise parental concern: Could taking them for menstrual cramps (or any other therapeutic purpose) indirectly lower your adolescent’s resistance to sexual activity? If you don’t know the answer to this question, now is the time for candid conversation about sexuality. It would be unfortunate to withhold a treatment that might reduce debilitating pain because of a parent’s vague mistrust of an adolescent who is actually fervently committed to remaining abstinent. Furthermore, the decision to postpone sex until marriage should be built on a strong, multilayered foundation. If the absence of contraceptives is the only reason she is avoiding intercourse, she needs to hear and understand many more reasons. Continue Reading »

Sexual abuse is so psychologically complex for the victim that its true incidence is difficult to ascertain. Shame and embarrassment heavily shroud this form of abuse, and many victims fail to report it. However, current estimates suggest that as many as 20 percent of children will be sexually abused in some way before they reach adulthood.²

It is important to understand that sexual abuse can take a variety of forms. The common denominator is that a child or adolescent is used in some way for the sexual stimulation of another person who is an adult or at least significantly older than the victim or someone who holds power or control over the victim. Sexual contact involves any form of physical touch that is intended to provoke sexual arousal of the abuser or the victim. This can include:

• Direct genital contact with the victim, including penetrative intercourse (vaginal, anal, or oral), whether or not overpowering force was used.
• Fondling, rubbing, touching, or manipulating genitals or breasts, including simulated intercourse.

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But even when appropriate precautions have been taken, it is possible that your daughter will be the victim of a sexual assault. The odds are at least one in ten (some researchers say one in four) that she will be coerced into unwanted sex at some point in her life. As unpleasant as it may be to discuss this topic, she should know what (and what not) to do if this occurs, whether the attacker is an acquaintance or a stranger.

First, she should get to a safe place as quickly as possible and then contact a family member and the police immediately. In the emotional aftermath of an assault, the urge to deny what has happened may cause a victim to wait days or weeks to report it. But doing so reduces her credibility and makes prosecution of the attacker more difficult. Reporting the assault right away can help her regain a sense of control, obtain proper medical care, and guarantee personal safety Furthermore, it is important that all physical evidence of the attack be preserved She should not shower, bathe, douche, or even change clothes, even though it is normal to feel an overwhelming urge to rid herself of every trace of the attack. Continue Reading »

Your experience as parent(s)

If a pregnancy is an upheaval for a teenager, it is also no picnic for her parents. Discovering that your adolescent daughter is pregnant is a trial like few others, and reactions—fear for her future, denial, guilt—may parallel hers with equal intensity. Parents are likely to feel anger in a number of directions—anger toward their daughter for being careless, not taking their advice, not using good judgment, and disobeying both them and God. They may be angry with the boy (or man) involved, who has violated their trust and their daughter’s well-being. They may be angry with themselves for any number of reasons: They were too narrow or too permissive, too busy or too tired to tune into their daughter’s world for the past several months—and now look what has happened. Continue Reading »

Before considering how you might respond to the news that your unmarried teenager is pregnant, take a brief tour of the emotions and thought processes that are likely to be swirling through her mind and heart.

Your daughter’s experience

Fear is an overriding emotion in nearly every teen pregnancy. “I can’t tell my par ents. They’ll kill me!” “How can I finish school when I’m pregnant?” “My boyfriend will take off if I don’t have an abortion.” The adolescent with a crisis pregnancy probably sees nothing but loss on the horizon—loss of love, time, education, and physical health. Fear of one or more of these losses propels most of her other responses. Continue Reading »

• You are much better off dating someone you know fairly well rather than someone who is a casual or chance acquaintance.
• In general, multicouple or group activities are less risky (and more fun) than single dates.
• Single dates—especially the first time with someone—should take place in public places. An invitation to a play or a sporting event is far preferable to “Come to my place to watch a video!” Be especially leery of the suggestion that it would be nice “to go someplace private to talk.” Enjoyable and meaningful conversation can happen anyplace where two people can hear each other’s voices.
• Consider accepting a blind date only if the person carries a strong endorsement from someone you trust. Even then, this should not be a single date.
• Bring your own money. Paying your own way in the early stages of a relationship can help establish your independence. Even if your date picks up the tab, you might need cash for transportation home if things get out of hand.
• Stay sober. Alcohol and drugs cloud judgment and put you off guard and off-balance.
• Never leave a restaurant, party, or other get-together with someone you just met.
• Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel right about the way the date is progressing, bail out. A little awkwardness is far better than a sexual assault. Call home at any time, and a parent will come get you, no questions asked.
• Avoid situations in which you do not feel on equal footing with your companion. If you feel unequal, intimidated, awestruck, or indebted to your date in some way, your willingness to assert yourself may be weakened or delayed. Unhealthy situations include relationships with men more than two or three years older than you, an employer, a teacher, or someone to whom you or your family owes a debt.
• Beware of expensive gifts and lavish dates. Too many guys still carry the Neanderthal notion that picking up the tab for a nice evening entitles them to a sexual thank-you. If your date presents that message, don’t hesitate to straighten him out. Declining a present that appears to have strings attached is a healthy way to set boundaries.
• Look out for the control freak, someone who insists on his way and ignores your likes and dislikes. If he shows contempt for your tastes in restaurants, movies, and music, he may also have little regard for your physical boundaries.
• Beware of the person who tries to isolate you from your other friends and your family or who constantly bad-mouths them. If he is extremely possessive and wants you all to himself, chances are he will eventually want all of you sexually as well.
• Steer clear of guys who tell raunchy jokes, listen to sexually explicit music, enjoy pornography, or make degrading comments about women. These men have an attitude disease about women and sexuality, and they don’t belong in your life.
• Don’t waste your time with anyone who won’t accept your limits; who begs, pleads, and haggles for physical contact; or who trots out worn and pathetic lines such as “If you loved me, you’d do it” or “Trust me….” Anyone who pressures you for sexual favors is a loser and an abuser and most certainly doesn’t love you.