All My Children

Giving a party can be a great deal of fun. It can be held to celebrate something special, or because it’s a particular time of the year; or it can be a spur of the moment get-together with friends. But whatever the occasion you’ll want it to go with a swing. And the nicest parties are usually those which have some careful planning behind them: ideas to get them going, and ideas for toning them down if they get too exuberant. Continue Reading »

There is a battle raging today for the bodies and souls of America’s teenagers, and like it or not, our children are on the front line. Venereal diseases, unwanted pregnancies, guilt, loss of self-esteem, and breakdown in relationships are just some of the results of premarital sexual involvement.

My desire for you as a parent is that you never hear the following statements; or, if you do, that you might know what to do when you hear them.

If only I had waited. I see now how uncluttered my life would have been, how my mind would have been free from this burden that besets me even years later.

If you want to know what it is really like, get two pieces of paper and glue part of one to the other. After it has dried, pull them apart. What you have in your hand is a vivid picture of two people after a premarital sexual relationship—both torn, both leaving a part of themselves with the other. Continue Reading »

These factors, although given in summary form, are also found elsewhere, for example, the Philippines. Bearing in mind the comments of Vanistendael that the phenomenon of street children is not due to any single factor, but to a combination of elements and influences, let us look at some of the other factors in our South African situation which contribute to the phenomenon of street children. The list is not exhaustive in any way: Continue Reading »

Establishing a street children committee

Towards the end of the meeting of the community resources, it is important to ask those present to indicate whether or not they wish to commit themselves to becoming part and parcel of a proposed street children committee. It is important to indicate the implications of such a commitment which are, among others:

• to have regular meetings (possibly every two weeks), especially at first in order to get organised;
• to possibly become part and parcel of the care group to screen or assess the children;

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Charity begins at home, and so does learning about aggression. A child will understand that shooting and killing people is wrong when the parent who was playfully made a target inquires who is going to pour the milk in the future or go to the store for ice cream. Such a question can convince a child of the need to keep his aggression under control in his own best interests, as no abstract description of the horrors of war could do. To be told that what we want to do—shoot the gun—is wrong annoys and frustrates us, and puts us on the defensive. But realizing things on the basis of one’s own experience and interest—that is, a parent who has been shot can no longer serve the child—makes the learning become positive. Continue Reading »

Of all people children are the most imaginative. They abandon themselves without reserve to every illusion.

Play has an important meaning for children, but wise parents will not attempt to structure a carefully organized play program for a child as though it were a well-balanced diet. In play, spontaneity and inner direction are of supreme significance; without them, much of the value of play is destroyed. I emphasize this point because faulty understanding of the unconscious meaning of play and misapplication of certain insights derived from the use of play in child therapy have made it more difficult for adults to take play as seriously as it must be taken if the child is to be understood on his own terms. Continue Reading »

There are many contributions that only parents can make to their child’s play. For example, no teacher, and certainly no age-mate, can be as deeply and personally involved in play that seems to relate to the child’s future as are his parents. Play is anchored in the present, but it also takes up and tries to solve problems of the past, and it is often future-directed as well. Continue Reading »

If we truly took our child’s play as seriously as we take our own tasks, we would be as loath to interrupt it as we are reluctant to be interfered with when we are working. This is the pattern demanded by consistency and a sense of fairness; and one reward for thus respecting our child’s play is that it enhances his own sense of play as an important activity in the whole context of family life.

This is not to say that parents always take play lightly. After all, we want our children to enjoy themselves; we buy them toys and take them to the playground; we are conscientious about providing opportunities to play. Continue Reading »

A child become familiar with material things and their properties as he plays with them; thus he masters objects and they become acceptable to him. This is why playing with his food is so important to the infant, and why he tries to feed the person who is feeding him. Through handling the food it becomes familiar to the infant; it becomes truly his food. The more he mashes it, the safer he feels it is and the more pleasant to ingest. By feeding his mother, he demonstrates to himself that he is not just the passive recipient of food but also its active dispenser; mastering the process of feeding makes eating all the more enjoyable. Continue Reading »

In the courtly tradition, a knight who entered a tournament made it clear that he was competing primarily for the favor and admiration of his lady and to prove his manliness to her. At the same time he was proving his manliness to himself and others, so that he himself could feel secure about it. Only secondarily was his purpose that of defeating his opponent. Similarly today, the main value of a trophy won in competition is the pleasure of displaying it to attract the admiration of others, who thus continue to enhance one’s self-esteem. Continue Reading »