Sep 20 2008
Sexually Pressure? Arming Your Child with Reasons to Say No
- Find opportunities to share the ideas with your child. It is tempting to be dictatorial, but far better to discuss or suggest. “Have your ever considered that . . . ?” is a good way to start. The discussions should be informal. Look for natural opportunities. This will require you to be always alert and ready. Teens are usually more responsive in relaxed, spontaneous situations, and so be on your guard to seize opportunities as they arise.
- It may sound strange, but a teenager needs to practice ahead of time giving a negative answer to the most common lines used to exert pressure to have sex. Sexual pressure is probably one of the most serious things a teenager is up against and often one of the most powerful. And no one has said it would be easy. Saying no is often more difficult than breaking up the whole relationship, especially knowing that saying yes can keep it together—at least for a while. Also, it’s not always easy to cling to one’s beliefs under pressure.
In the following that follow are 24 pressure lines that teens use to get others to be sexually involved. Review these with your child. Much of what you see in these pressure lines is actually emotional blackmail.
Line 1: Everybody’s doing it.
Reply: That’s great. Then I guess you won’t have any problem finding someone else.
Line 2: If you love me, you’ll have sex with me.
Reply: If you love me, you’ll respect my feelings and not push me into doing something I’m not ready for.
Reply: If you love me, you’ll wait.
Line 3: If you won’t have sex with me, then I don’t want to see you any more.
Reply: Well, if that’s the way you feel, I’m going to miss seeing you, but that’s the way it’s going to be.
Line 4: It’s just part of growing up.
Reply: Having sex doesn‘t mean you are grown up. Being grown up to me means deciding what I believe and then sticking to those beliefs.
Line 5: We had sex once before, so what’s the problem now?
Reply: I have a right to change my mind. I’ve decided to wait.
Line 6: Don’t you want to try it to see what it’s like?
Reply: What is this? Some kind of commercial ad? Try it; you’ll like it! I do plan to try it with my husband (wife).
Line 7: But I have to have it!
Reply: No you don’t. If I can wait, you can wait.
Line 8: If you want to be popular with the kids at school, you’ll do it.
Reply: I don’t have to depend on sex to be popular. I have more to offer than that. People like you because of the kind of person you are and the kind of character you have.
Line 9: You’ve gotten me all excited. If you love me, you’ll prove it.
Reply: Having sex doesn‘t prove you’re in love. I have too much self-respect to get sexually involved before I’m ready for it. I’ve decided to wait.
Line 10: If you don’t, someone else will.
Reply: If all I mean to you is a body to have sex with, maybe we’d better take a closer look at why we see each other. You have no right to use me.
Line 11: If you care about me, you’ll have sex with me.
Reply: Because I care about you, I want to wait.
Reply: There are many ways to show someone you care.
Line 12: To love you so much and hold back hurts!
Reply: Love is worth some sacrifice.
Line 13: Sex will cause our love to grow.
Reply: Yes, but into what?
Line 14: I can really turn you on.
Reply: The only thing that needs to be turned on in here are the lights.
Line 15: Want to go upstairs and check out my new waterbed?
Reply: Nope—I don’t swim.
Line 16: You just don’t know what you’re missing.
Reply: That will make two of us. You won’t know what you’re missing either.
Line 17: Want to go to bed?
Reply: No, thanks. I just got up.
Line 18: You don’t want people to think you’re not a man (woman), do you?
Reply: Having sex doesn‘t prove a person is a man (woman). My dog has sex and he’s not a man.
Line 19: Don’t worry. I’ll use protection.
Reply: You’re going to need protection if you don’t leave me alone.
Line 20: Would you like to get in the back seat?
Reply: No, I’d rather sit up here with you.
Line 21: I do it with all my girlfriends.
Reply: Well, I guess I won’t be your girlfriend.
Line 22: Kissing turns me on, and it’s not enough.
Reply: Well, it’s enough for me.
Line 23: You mean you’re still a virgin? What are you, frigid?
Reply: No, I’m smart.
Line 24: Sex makes you have a good complexion.
Reply: I’d rather use make-up then.
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