All My Children

Lastly, God wants our children to wait until marriage for sex to protect them from relational problems. The first of these is a breakdown in communication. One young person said, “Like many others, I have learned that if there is too much touching in a relationship, it can cause uneasy feelings which lead to lack of communication.”

Wrote another, “Spending this time on sex takes away from time which could be spent getting to know each other more. Just at the time when the two need to talk most about their deepening feelings, problems they have, and so on, the verbal communication is stopped.”

Second and in the same vein, sex makes a good courtship difficult because, in addition to reducing communication, it usually comes to dominate a premarital relationship. Thus, in the time when a man and woman should really be getting to know each other well and developing the social, intellectual, and emotional aspects of their relationship, that process is cut short by the lack of communication and the focus on the physical.

Third, God wants to protect our children from the comparison of past sexual partners that always plagues people who have engaged in premarital relations. A person who has made love to more than one person will probably never be able to forget former lovers entirely. Thus, even in the marriage bed, such a person will find himself comparing his mate to old partners. This is wrong in and of itself, but it’s also unfair to the spouse, because memories get idealized with the passing of time, and so the comparisons aren’t even realistic.

The other side of the coin is that if a person knows his or her spouse was sexually active before marriage, he or she also knows comparisons are going on in the spouse’s mind, and he or she will always be nagged by concerns about how he or she compares to the spouse’s former lovers. This situation is unhealthy for a marriage, to say the least, and God wants to protect our children from it.

As you can see, there are many valid reasons for our kids to say no to premarital sex. I’ve just touched the surface of many of those listed here, and there are even more reasons given in Why Wait? As you share these with your child, he or she should be able to see readily that God’s way is best and that God really is acting in love when He commands that sex be enjoyed only within the bonds of marriage.

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