All My Children

Through talks with Catholic children, I have found a few themes which come up again and again. Issues of papal authority, marriage, the Trinity, sexuality, the gender of God, and the Christmas spirit are evident in many Catholic children. To offer a few ideas and some support, I want to present some observations concerning Catholic child-rearing.

I think that it helps matters a great deal if a parent is candid about how they view the pope. Therefore, I would recommend being explicit about what you believe the pope’s role to be. It is also important to acknowledge to your child that not every Catholic follows the Vatican in a diligent way. “Some people like to be independent,” you might choose to say. In any case, how do you feel about the current pope? What qualities do you see in him? Say how you feel in an open-ended way, allowing room for a child’s early impressions. Ask your son or daughter to say what the pope does. Unless it seems premature, see what your child thinks about the idea of a pope or about the current leader of the Church.

Every Catholic child is taught early on that marriage is sacred but some youngsters don’t really know why. “Why is divorce bad?” a psychologically minded child may want to know. What would you say in response? Would you say divorce is immoral? Would you say it tears families apart? That it represents the breaking of a vow, or would you stress its symbolic meaning in the Catholic religion? Perhaps you are not at all certain that divorce is always wrong. Is it okay to depart from traditional Catholic teaching on this subject?

Bring up these questions for family discussion and have everyone contribute their opinions. Even young children can understand the notion of marriage, so the conversation should not exclude them.

“I believe in marriage as a sacred rite,” forty-six-year-old Anthony comments. “I always have. You get only one choice so you should make it a good one. What do I tell my kids? I say you have to decide for yourselves. But I believe that you will be happy if you find a good person and try to make it work with them. I think a lot of people give up too easy. Marriage demands work. You gotta believe in it.”

Whatever you say to your child about marriage and/or divorce, try to include a statement about God’s role. What does God have to do with getting married or getting divorced, if anything? God’s role in both is a critical element in Catholic doctrine.

If your child asks about the Holy Trinity, be especially clear about the relationship of God, the Father, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit One popular example is to compare the Trinity to an egg. Just as the yolk, the white of the egg, and the shell are all parts of the same whole, the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and God, the Father, are all part of God. Because it utilizes a familiar household object, this illustration is particularly helpful with inquisitive youngsters.

The most pressing interest among Catholic children I have spoken with concerns Jesus. “How can Jesus be both the Son of God and also be God?” Is your child concerned or curious about this? Make sure that your child understands the basic tenet of the Trinity. For now, that’s probably enough.

With so much attention being paid to the Church’s views on sexual matters, it’s advisable to tackle the tough subject of religion and sexuality. It is important that these topics aren’t seen by you^rchild as mutually exclusive. But what should a parent communicate about these matters? Let your child know why the Church Is concerned about relevant social issues. But emphasize that both religion and sexuality are good things, and that people get into trouble when they misunderstand or deviate from a full appreciation of the world God has provided, which includes both of the above.

Ask your child about guilt too. “Do you ever feel guilty?” “What kinds of things do you do sometimes that make you feel bad?” Be aware of any unreasonable or obstructive guilt your child may be festering. Remember that religious belief is intended to allow people to live more complete lives, not inhibit people from natural expression.

You may also want to speak with your child about gender issues. “Do priests and nuns perform different functions in the Church?” your son or daughter may wonder. “Is God a He since Jesus was a man?” The male emphasis in the Catholic liturgy is now a common source of debate in lay and clerical circles. Discussion of gender themes in Catholicism belongs in your home too. Are there aspects of your church’s service that you disagree with? Do you feel that the Mass speaks equally to men and to women? Tell your child what you think and ask your child to think about these issues during the next service you attend together. Invariably, you will need to address whether you like the Mass as it is or whether you would like to see changes made.

Finally, Christmas is so significant to Catholicism, and so appealing to children in particular, that it demands special attention. Set aside an evening or two in early December of each year to discuss the spirit of Christmas. Take some time and shut off the televisions and stereos. Ask family members to talk about what Christmas means. For one family member, Christmas might mean a time for bright lights and singing. For someone else, it might suggest a time of peace. Christmas can mean something unique to each member of your family. Of course, for everyone, it ultimately will mean the day of Christ’s birth. Discuss with your child why this is significant to you.

This will probably proceed best if family members are spontaneous, honest, and open. If it’s feasible, include grandparents as well. The important thing is that adults and children share in the social and introspective experience. The atmosphere to inspire is one of warmth, togetherness, and open-mindedness. This will help make Christmas an even more spiritual experience for your than it might be otherwise.

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