All My Children

The second priority for an interfaith couple is to determine what to communicate about God, since that husband and wife may have grown up with vastly different images of God. In a sense, all married couples must deal with this dilemma. Every husband and wife, once they become parents, must figure out a way to mesh their very personalized ideas about God and communicate that integrated view to a child.

Let’s imagine that your concept of God suggests a very nurturing figure who is concerned with nature and the care of all beings. Perhaps your spouse envisions a powerful figure who represents justice and order. What will you tell your child about what God is like?

Particularly if you have diligently informed your child about your background differences, I would emphasize commonalities when speaking about God. Focus on how your image and your spouse’s image of God overlap. Look for what binds you together, while still acknowledging that some differences exist. Your child really needs to feel that there is a single, unitary God that both parents worship or acknowledge.

You might talk about the association of God with goodness, if you both believe that is true. You can say that God is around us all the time, if you share that view. You can describe a God who provides an afterlife for human beings, if that too is a religious tenet you share. Finally, you can talk about what role God has in your family life. If you can agree upon that, your parenting on this topic should proceed quite smoothly.

When you do deal with differences in your ideas about God, be absolutely sure to talk them through with your spouse—before either of you shares your ideas with your child. That’s the best way to avoid both alarming surprises or hurtful feelings for either of you and any unnecessary tension or confusion for your child. While you do not want to concentrate upon your differences, you do want to confront them without hesitation by saying something like: “No one is certain what God is precisely like, and we have some ideas that are different too. For example, Daddy is convinced that God is like a man and Mommy thinks God may be a woman. But mostly we agree. We both feel strongly that God has all our best interests in mind and looks after us all.” That kind of philosophy and communication to your son or daughter can be quite productive. It can alleviate your child’s fear and possible misunderstanding concerning God and your special family situation.

“We talk a lot about what we have in common,” claims fortyyear-old Brent, a father born of Presbyterian parents who married a devoutly Catholic woman. “We tell our sons that we both believe in Christ and in Christ’s Resurrection. How he saved us from our sins. I don’t think our lives are really all that different than other people’s, except maybe that we’re more conscious of things. Sometimes I even forget about how our families are different. My wife, Janet, always says that God loves everybody the same. That’s pretty much the main belief we have.”

As a couple, you should be able to come together and tell your child what you both believe God is like and what God does. As concerned and knowledgeable parents, you should be ready to listen to your child’s ideas and questions about God.

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