All My Children

What Is an Unaffiliated Believer?

Some families and individuals march to the tune of a different spiritual drummer. While these individuals may have been raised in the major traditions just described, they have decided that formal religion is just not for them. Or alternatively, they have grown up in families which were unaffiliated to begin with. Nonetheless, these individuals come together as couples and continue to pursue an earnest, noninstitutionalized belief in God. If that description fits you and your spouse, then how have you decided to teach your child about God?

Many people who do not identify with formal religion do not wish to label their beliefs at all. Whatever you choose to consider yourself, you have probably declined formal religious teaching because you found it lacking or insufficient. You may have simply found that it did not convincingly address the questions that you have posed about life. Or you may feel that the experience of God must be direct and unmitigated; perhaps you see formal religion as an interference.

If that describes you, then you are not alone. While it is difficult to offer a precise figure, it is likely that millions of Americans may fall under this description. You can tell your children that. And you can explain that not joining a formal religion does not mean that you are not religious—it just means that you define belief in God a bit differently. You may also wish to distinguish between religious teachings and religion as an institution. Certainly, it is possible to feel reverence or awe or love for God and not be a member of a church or synagogue.

Do you emphasize human experience as a source of spiritual guidance rather than supernatural belief in the Bible? Then say that to your child and explain how your view departs from those of your friends and neighbors. Do you have a different view of famous religious figures like Moses or Jesus? Articulate for yourselfand for your child what your view is. Are you more action-oriented than prayer-oriented? Then tell your child why you believe prayer is less important. Are you opposed to religious hierarchies and authority? Then delineate for your child how your opinion formed and what the dangers of such authority are. But don’t just speak about what you are against. It is essential that your child also hear about what you do believe in, so that he or she has a coherent belief system to consider.

You may choose to focus your discussions on the notion of God itself. How is your concept of God special and distinct from the God images of the major formal religions? How does it resemble those conceptions? If you can outline responses for your child in a systematic and compelling way, I believe your child will grow up with a coherent view even if your ideas are not bolstered by formal religious training. But it will be the strength, clarity, and courage of your convictions that determine your child’s understanding of God, and his or her own spiritual development.

Suggestions for Unaffiliated Parents

I would strongly urge you to expose your children to the teachings of formal religions as well as to your own belief. Whatever your views of the world’s many established religions, it is helpful and enriching for your child to learn about them. That is how your child will gain an appreciation for how different people have responded to the mystery of God.

You should also consider emphasizing freedom of choice in your child’s decisions about God and about religion. You must ask yourself, “Do I feel it is acceptable for my child to choose a formal religion as a way to celebrate God?” Your answer to that question will determine in large part the kind of atmosphere you create in your home when it comes to religious belief.

“I try to take time with my sons and explain things carefully,” says forty-five-year-old Bob, an unaffiliated father of two. “Since we’re not members of a church, where else are our kids going to learn about ethics and morals but us? Sometimes I think because we spend a lot of time with them, they take religious ideas more seriously. My wife is particularly good with them—she talks to them more about God than I do.”

Unaffiliated parents like Bob must assume great responsibility for their children’s religious education. The potential benefits can be considerable since high parental involvement can often stir a child’s interest. What is most important is that your child is not left in the dark about what you believe. In order to facilitate your talks, you might prepare a brief summary of your beliefs for the whole family to discuss. That may also be a help to parents who embrace more formal religions, too.

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)
Talking about Unaffiliated Belief in God

• And then there was one part 2
• Other people in your baby's life
• Romance and Sex in Later Adolescence: To Tell or not to Tell
• Sitemap
• Telling your Child about Sex continue...
• Relations in Teens Illegitimate Pregnancy
• Have a Caring BABY-SITTERS?
• Avoiding Conflict When the new Baby Comes Home
• Crybabies: What Happens When The Tears Won’t Stop? Part 3
• Beware of your Children Religious Tradition Development: Talking About Protestantism

Trackback URI | Comments RSS