All My Children

Every quarrelsome child has an uneasy feeling of guilt deep down inside of him. Scolding and punishing him may only increase his feeling of guilt, perhaps driving him into further misconduct. In dealing with the problem, try to see things from his point of view. Don’t let yourself become angry. Keep your head.

When a child has hurt another, it is often better to take him away from the other children for a while. This will give him an opportunity to cool down and pull himself together. Tell him, “You are not ready to play with other children just now. When you feel better, you can go back, but not yet.”

If a toy or other object has been used to hurt another child, take it away and do not allow it to be used for some time. This will help each of the children to learn the lesson quickly. They will realize that anger and quarreling are decidedly unprofitable, and they will help each other to avoid the same mistakes.

There are times when punishment may be necessary. If so, be careful not to do anything under a cloak of “righteous anger,” since you may be only letting off steam yourself and setting a poor example for the children to follow.

Supposing your child has been hurt by another, how will you act? It is so easy to become outraged, especially if you see an ugly scratch down the side of your child’s face. These things always seem much worse when done by another child— worse, for example, than if his face had been scratched by a cat. Many mothers take these things far too seriously. Be careful, for neighborhood quarrels often start in this way. Even though your own child has been hurt, do not let yourself become too involved. It will all blow over soon, so just try to keep calm and say nothing.

Many serious quarrels can be prevented if parents are wise enough to see them coming and suggest some other activity. Take the minds of the children off their injured feelings. For instance, a little tactful diversion in the heat of the moment will often help to cool a flaring temper. This will establish a good pattern of behavior for the children to follow in their future years, and you may avoid misunderstandings with your neighbors.

When Children Are Destructive

When a child deliberately breaks and destroys things, the situation is more serious. It is important to ask yourself, “Why does he do this? Is he unhappy over some situation that is beyond his control? Is there jealousy in the family? Does he feel that he is not loved and wanted?”

Perhaps he needs some extra encouragement. Do not expect too much of him; try to understand why he does not get along with others. Encourage him to build new and happier friendships that will last. How you help him now will mean much in his future years.

Some children get into trouble for no other reason than to gain attention. If you have a child who acts this way, try to find the cause of his trouble. Maybe he is just bored. Provide him with constructive things to do. If he must tear things up, give him some old rags or papers. If he has the urge to flatten things out, give him some modeling clay. Ripping and tearing things apart will help him get rid of some of those tensions within. So will working in the garden, pulling weeds. But be sure to make all these activities fun. Don’t crush his exuberant feelings. Help him to keep smiling.

If your child inclines to be mechanical, get him some toys that can be taken apart and put together again. If he wants to be artistic, provide him with a blackboard of his own. Fasten it to the wall of his playroom and encourage him to use it freely. This is far better than smearing up the walls of the house. Many schools teach children finger painting. This gives them an opportunity for self-expression, but don’t try to read too many meanings into what they produce.

If your child likes to make a mess (and even if he doesn’t), give him some sand or clay or mud to play with. Encourage him to make all the mess he likes—in the right place. Let him get this out of his system, and don’t expect him to be “too good.” This type of repression is not a healthy trend. It may indicate an emotionally disturbed child. It is far better for him to be normal in his activities.

When a boy gets too wild in his play, sit down with him and tell him a quiet story. Be sure to have a few good stories ready for such an occasion. A few minutes of prevention may save you hours of trouble repairing the damage later. Be sure he has enough outdoor space in which to move about freely. Spend some time with him each day, showing him how to play fairly and how to get along with others. Avoid nagging and scolding him. Do not be in a hurry. This may take time, but with patience he will develop a well- balanced personality.

Child Training Challenging

Child training is never easy, but there is no more satisfying work in all the world. It is far more important than all the money and property you may possess. Setting your child a good example is one of your first responsibilities in life. When you do things together as a family, you have the joy and satisfaction of accomplishing something of the greatest value to your children.

All normal children naturally want to do what is right and to be accepted by those around them. When there is a proper relationship between the parents and each of the children, the result will be a happy home, free from the stress and strain of endless strife and quarreling. This takes time and wise planning on the part of both parents, but it is worth all the effort it may cost. In the end it will provide those happy memories of home that endure through all the days to come.

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