All My Children

This section should not finish without a thought for the older brother or sister of twins.

If there is a very positive relationship between the older child and the twins, there may well be no problem. The older child may be proud of having ‘his’ twins at school and show them off to his friends, or he may lead a completely independent life.

However there are some children, particularly those who are close in age to the twins, who may feel overshadowed. Some twins report back to the parents when the older child misbehaves, so that he feels as if he’s being constantly watched. Even though parents may sometimes find these reports useful, they should be discouraged, as with reports about the other twin. The older child is entitled to his privacy.

Older children may also feel envious of the attention that twins continue to get, even in school, and react badly. The older child may be known as ‘the twins‘ brother (or sister)’ a doubtful claim to fame as ‘the twins‘ mother‘ may herself feel sometimes.

Older children may be desperate for attention and have difficulty in their relationships at school. The best way of helping them may be by sending them to a different school from the twins. Parents and teachers can also work on a programme of not rewarding negative attention-seeking, but rewarding positives. A star system may be very useful in this situation. Again, teachers may work with parents so that a reward can be given at home and the spotlight is not shone too brightly on the child.

The teacher might suggest professional help, and whoever is involved may well work with the school on such a system, or help the parents along these lines.

One of our non-identical twins is very upset because he’s in a different class from his brother and he’s on a different reading system. His brother is allowed a new book every week, whilst he has the same book for several weeks at a time. What should we do?

Have a chat with both teachers. Perhaps he could be taking other books home to read at the same time as his brother, or both twins could be on the same system. Teachers can sometimes take the attitude that it was your choice to separate them and you have to take the consequences. Don’t be discouraged. Talk to both class teachers in order to reach a compromise.

My daughter refuses to write. There is a small difference in ability between the twins but it’s very slight. She becomes anxious when asked to write anything and we’re rather worried.

The answer could be separate classes so that she is no longer watching her sister. With gentle encouragement she should regain her confidence. Alternatively the teacher might decide to use a star system, starting with a star for writing her name, and building up until she earns a star for writing a whole sentence.

Our eight-year-old twin boys are finding it difficult to sit still in school and the teacher complains that they are disturbing the class.

Put into action the suggestions from the ‘Parenting‘ about being firm, ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good behaviour. Tell the teacher what you are doing so that you can both work together. This way the boys will get the message more quickly and begin to settle down.

My twin son and daughter both do athletics and games at school, and both are good, but my son wins all the prizes. My daughter says she’s fed up with games. What should we do? We try not to make a fuss of him when she’s around, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference.

Your son needs praise and your daughter is probably quite proud of him really. Tell her that she’s very kind not to want to compete with him so that he can be special, but that they don’t have to be in competition. She can enjoy sport because it’s fun, not to win prizes. Perhaps your daughter could be encouraged to take part in an activity, either during or after school, on her own where she does not feel in competition with her brother. Help them to appreciate each other’s strong points.

Different schools can be helpful for mixed-sex twins who may be always looking over their shoulders.

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