All My Children

One of our twins is much less clever than the other but it wasn’t until they started school that it really showed. The teachers have kept them together in the same group so that the brighter twin can help the other one, but it is holding her back and not really helping her sister to stand on her own feet.

Separate classes and possibly separate schools may be the best answer. One may move ahead of the other and they will probably quite happily accept the situation if they can make their own friends at their own level. It will make it easier for you to praise them both when they do well, without any comparison with their twin.

One of our twins takes hours over her homework and becomes upset when we try to help her. She seems able to do the work, but lacks confidence. Her twin sister has no problem at all.

It looks as though she is comparing herself with her twin and separate classes might help.

Have a word with her teacher about the problem and find out if she is having any difficulties at school. Also ask the teacher how long she is meant to spend on her homework, then allow her the official time plus fifteen minutes. Some children need a little extra time.

Settle both twins down before the evening meal, with the television switched off until the time is up, even if one twin has finished before the other. If your daughter has not finished within the time, write a note to the teacher saying how long she has spent on her homework. This will help the teacher to find out where the problem lies.

Look for plenty of opportunities to praise her, including effort, and reduce the attention for getting upset. Quite difficult sometimes, I know. A star system might also be useful. One star, say, for settling down quickly to her work and another for not making a fuss (which includes asking for help without getting upset). As soon as she begins to get upset withdraw from the situation. Stars can be awarded to her sister for two quite different tasks.

One of my eleven-year-old identical twins refuses to go to school. She clings to me crying, and, i f I make her go, she refuses to go into class.

Have they been placed in different classes recently or in different ability groups? If so she may have been relying on her twin for several years and now she has a lot of catching up to do. If she is of similar ability to her twin, have a chat with her teachers and see if she can have some extra coaching or some work that you could help her with at home. Explain to her that she has to go to school, but that the teachers understand her problem and will help her. Perhaps she could be encouraged to succeed in non-academic subjects until she has caught up.

It’s possible that she may have no problem in doing the work but lacks confidence because her sister is not with her. Her class teacher might arrange for another child to take her under her wing for a bit until her confidence has come back. Perhaps the friend could be invited home.

If she continues to be unhappy, think about whether there have been recent changes in the family that could be making her feelinsecure.

Our twins are wonderful friends to each other and love to be together. We’ve had no problems with their education at all. They are both a good average, do well in school and have lots of friends. We would just make them unhappy if we tried to separate them.

You obviously have a very close pair of twins and I can understand why you are worried by the idea of separating them.

I recommend that you read Part Four ‘Adolescence and After’, which might help you to reach a final conclusion?

If in the future you do decide to separate them, I suggest you wait until the next change of school. If this is a secondary school, then you might choose a school where they would be together for certain subjects and activities. You could have a chat with the prospective headteacher, or teachers, and see what is available and whether they have any suggestions that might help.

However, twins who are happy and are able to allow each other separate friends and separate outings, can have a great deal to gain from being at school together, giving each other support whenneeded.

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)
Older brothers and sisters influence on your twins continue…

• Older brothers and sisters influence on your twins
• Something to Identify Twins (Non-identical twins)
• Other people in your baby's life
• Cope Parenting of Twins part 3
• Sitemap
• Concerns about My Grown-up twins part 1
• When to become involved
• Street Children, break-up of Families in the South Africa
• Telling your Child about Sex continue...
• When Siblings Engage in Combat

Trackback URI | Comments RSS