Jun 15 2008

Something to Identify Twins (Non-identical twins)

Published by dodo at 4:39 pm under Baby, Books, Boys, Children, Daddy, Family, Girls, Infant, Kids Bedding, Kids Game, Kids Party, Mommy, Newborn, Parenting, Stroller, Toy

Similar looking non-identical twins may have some of the same problems that are experienced by identical twins. Others mix them up, and they may have difficulty in being seen or seeing themselves as separate individuals. They can sometimes get their own body image mixed up with that of their twin and have beliefs about themselves that are not borne out by reality. Even dissimilar twins may fall into this trap. They are perpetually comparing themselves, or being compared, with their twin, and differences may become exaggerated. One twin may feel that he can never be ‘good enough’ if his twin seems more handsome, more clever or more popular. He may either become depressed or only feel that he has a role when he’s in the company of his twin and can bask in his reflected glory. The co-twin, who appears so confident, may also need to be with his twin to convince himself of his superior identity that might lack reality if he compared himself only with the larger group.

If one twin is at a disadvantage, or feels he is at a disadvantage, because of differences in appearance, character or skills, separate schooling can enable him to find himself in his own group of friends without measuring himself, perhaps literally, against his twin.

This brings us to the problem of differences in growth rates. Growth and puberty are genetically linked and brothers and sisters in the same family may not all be alike. This does not usually cause problems unless a younger child outstrips an older one. When there are two children of the same age, however, one may leave the other behind. The taller or more mature twin may have problems because others have higher expectations of him which he tries to fulfil, and his expectations of himself may be greater.

KidsThe later developer, who may look like a younger brother or sister and is often treated as one by his twin and others, may feel some resentment and try to attract attention to himself in other ways. However youngsters are often aware of the complications that puberty brings, mood swings and clashes with parents, and may be happy to prolong their childhood and bask in being ‘the little one’.

(Although most smaller identical twins catch up with their co- twin as their genetic clock makes up time after being slowed up when they were still in the womb, a few may not. This can affect the division of tasks within the twinship.)

In the case of boys, height is usually seen as a measure of masculinity and a shorter twin may feel at a disadvantage. On the other hand, a bigger twin brother can sometimes prevent the bullying which is sometimes the lot of a smaller boy. Having a twin at the same school has its advantages!

If twins share the same bedroom and there is a time lag in the onset of puberty, this can be embarrassing to both twins. One has to come to terms with the changes that are taking place, the other may be self-conscious because of the absence of these changes. The youngsters will probably find ways of achieving privacy and these should be accepted without comment. If separate bedrooms are not possible, requests for a screen or curtain should be taken seriously.

For mixed-sex twins, adolescence can be a testing time as girls tend to mature at a faster rate than boys. A brother who has enjoyed a close relationship with his sister may have his self-image badly shaken if she starts dating older boys and doesn’t want him around. His sister’s bedroom becomes strictly private and confidences are shared with girlfriends. The twins‘ Secret Garden has a ‘Keep Out’ sign on the gate.

The boy from a mixed-sex pair may have doubts about his ownmasculinity and feel rejected and confused by his sister’s mood swings. Fathers have an important role here in building up the boy’s confidence by giving him the friendship and approval that will help him feel grown up and secure in his masculinity. Parents should also encourage the boy to pursue his own hobbies and interests. A part-time Saturday or evening job can be a great ego booster — a bit of cash in the pocket and a feeling of being part of the adult world. If there’s no regular job available perhaps there are neighbours who would like their cars cleaned, some gardening done or who need a reliable baby-sitter.

The girl also needs to feel that her parents approve of her and accept that she is growing up. If mother and daughter can sometimes have outings together they will have opportunities to talk in a relaxed situation, and advice can be given when asked for. This will help to lay the foundations of an adult friendship.

Separate secondary schools can help to avoid some of the problems. The twins will feel freer to mature at their own rate, develop their own interests and make their own friends independently of their co-twin. They will then have less need to fight for that independence at home. However, many boys from mixed-sex pairs lead very independent lives, so that the changes which take place in their sisters’ lives may be less important and separate secondary schools unnecessary. The girl might be a late developer, in which case the twins may keep in step with one another.

Nevertheless it can be useful for parents to be aware that when their daughter becomes a young lady, their son could have a problem coping with being a ‘younger’ brother and find his sister’s older boyfriends difficult to accept.

Twins of all types may repeat the pattern of the parent couple within their own partnership.

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Something to Identify Twins (Non-identical twins)

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