Jun 15 2008

Something to Identify Twins (Non-identical twins) continue…

Published by dodo at 4:40 pm under Baby, Books, Boys, Children, Daddy, Family, Girls, Infant, Kid, Kids Bedding, Kids Game, Kids Party, Parenting, Stroller, Toy

One of my twins eats well but the other one looks like his shadow. He says he doesn’t want to get fat like his twin brother, but I’m worried that he isn’t eating enough.

It sounds as though eating well may be important in your family and most of us expect our sons to have healthy appetites.

If they are non-identical twins and only one is going through a rapid growth stage, one may grow taller and thinner than the other if they both eat the same. However, if they are both at the same stage of development they may be using their weight as a way of establishing their individual identities, particularly if they are identical twins.

First refuse to be drawn into any discussion about food and take no notice of how either twin is eating. It may have become a way of attracting negative attention. Then encourage other differences between the twins by suggesting that they have different haircuts and choose different clothes. Encourage as much separation as possible, both educationally and in their leisure time, so that differences in appearance become less important.

KidsTry and get all the family to eat together. If necessary alter the times of the meals to fit in with the boys‘ activities and your husband’s working day. Youngsters often eat better when they sit down and relax with the rest of the family and your husband can support you in not giving negative attention.

Sarah, one of my twin girls, always looks such a mess that I’m ashamed to take her out. Her room is always in a mess too. Her twin sister Jane is just the opposite. Sarah is hopeless about money, too. We give them both the same pocket money, yet she’s never got enough and is always borrowing from Jane who is much more careful. I don’t know how to get her to take more care.

This is a very good example of the Couple Effect. Jane is specializing in being tidy and careful, and Sarah in being untidy and careless.

Give Sarah no negative attention by nagging. Praise her whenever she is looking tidier or her room is in not so much of a mess. Make her feel good in other ways by encouraging her to help you with some of the household tasks and showing her that you’re pleased with her efforts. Both girls could have their own special tasks. Try and spend some time with Sarah and Jane individually each day if possible.

One of my twins has plenty of boyfriends, but the other one, Susan, is always on her own. The girls used to do everything together. Susan is getting so unhappy and I don’t know how to make things better for her.

Everyone is different. Let Susan mature at her own rate and don’t be too worried about her. If she thinks that you are worried it will make her feel that she should be too.

Encourage her to join clubs and activities where she mixes naturally with boys. She probably has other friends at school who are not dating yet who she could invite home or go out with in a group. It’s possible that she would be happier at a different school where she would not always be watching what her twin sister was doing.

Use this as an opportunity for your husband and yourself to get to know her on her own. Make the most of it, they grow up all too soon!

I have mixed-sex twins but my husband and I are divorced and are no longer in touch. My son is going through a difficult time because his sister doesn’t want to be seen with him. They used to do everything together and always came home from school hand in hand.

Your son might be happier at a single-sex school, if that is available. He would be able to become more independent and not feel so rejected by his sister.

I understand that you are not in touch with your husband, but is it possible for your son to spend more time with a grandfather, uncle, or someone that he looks upon as a father figure, who can help to increase his self-confidence and make him feel grown up? You could help him by encouraging him to get a Saturday job and join a local club or activity group.

Have one afternoon each weekend, or perhaps one evening during the week, which is ‘family time‘ when everyone makes himself free to spend some time together. Be quite firm about this and make it a bit of an occasion by making the meal a little more special on that day. The three of you could play a game or watch a video together, whatever the family likes doing. Friends could be invited home as well, as long as they are happy to be part of the family group on that day. This will help to prevent your son from feeling that he may lose his sister as he lost his father, and also help to give your daughter the family support that she needs.

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Something to Identify Twins (Non-identical twins) continue…

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