May 14 2008

Know who (besides you) and what is influencing your teenager part 2

Published by dodo at 12:08 am under Adolescent, Child Care, Daddy, Family, Mommy, Parenting, Teenager

Music

With a few exceptions, contemporary music plays a prominent and intense role in the life and thought processes of adolescents; this has been true for generations. Today, however, this is not particularly good news.

Over the years most parents have complained about the music their kids enjoyed. During the 1950s and early 1960s, the content of most popular music focused on teen romance, the joys of surfing, and an occasional novelty item such as the “Purple People Eater” or “Alley Oop”. Obviously, these songs were hardly masterpieces, and many of them celebrated unrealistic or even silly notions about love and relationships. However, their shortcomings pale in comparison to the malignant cultural tide that rolled in during the late 1960s, when drugs and rebellion began to be celebrated more openly.

The realms of heavy metal and rap teem with obscenity, violence (including rape), sexual anarchy, death, and despair. In bygone days rebellion was at least supposed to be fun. Now it’s glum at best and murderous at worst. Slick and hyperkinetic videos that accompany rock hits often add a visual punch to the audio assault.

KidsDepending on your teenager’s musical tastes, at some point you may need to square off against the rock juggernaut.2 There is simply no way that relentlessly negative and destructive lyrics can pound into anyone’s mind without making an impact. The issue, by the way, is content, not style. Some music that is grating to your ears may actually contain lyrics that challenge the listener to a better lifestyle or tell a cautionary tale.

If you hear something that turns you off throbbing through the walls or headphones, call for a joint listening session. Get the liner notes if possible (and a magnifying glass to read them), then review the CD, cassette, or video together with your teenager. Talk about what the lyrics are saying and how she feels when she listens to them. (You may hear, by the way, an argument that “I just like the beat and the music. I don’t listen to the words.” Don’t buy it. More often than not she can recite lyrics.)

You’ll need courage to separate your adolescent from music that is toxic, an open mind to endure the stuff that isn’t, and wisdom to know the difference. You should also be prepared to suggest alternatives. For families with Christian commitments, there is a thriving world of contemporary music available in a breadth of styles—including pop, rock, rap, metal, and alternative—that specifically (if noisily) promotes positive values.3 In addition, a little research will uncover secular music that, while not including overtly biblical phrases or themes, combines high-quality musicianship with family-friendly themes.

Movies, TV, and videos

As your teenager grows older, you will need to reassess your ground rules for managing these media. You still have a responsibility to oversee the viewing choices in your home, but you may not be able to govern what he watches at a friend’s house. Ideally, ongoing conversations about the content of films and TV programs have already instilled some standards and accountability. If you’ve nurtured a healthy regard for quality and values, he will feel uneasy if he is exposed to trash and stupidity.

Conflicts may arise when “everyone” has seen a certain R-rated film, and he wants to go, too (at the ripe old age of fourteen), or watch it on videocassette. You will need to set and maintain your own family’s standards, but at some point you may want to introduce him to more grown-up subject matter under your supervision. Do some homework and read the write-ups (especially in family-oriented magazines). Sometimes an otherwise excellent film receives an R rating for a brief spurt of bad language or for one or two quick sequences that can be bypassed using the fast-forward button on the remote control. Likewise, a film bearing the milder PG or PG-13 rating may actually be loaded with obnoxious and offensive material.

Whatever you and your teenager see, talk about tone and content. Is this film or program selling a viewpoint, and if so, what is it? If something struck you as offensive, why? Was there a positive message involved? What was it? Before he’s finally living on his own, he’s going to need to learn discernment. Otherwise, while you may succeed in keeping every scrap of offensive material off his mental radar screen while he’s in high school, he’s eventually going to be exposed to it later on—but without your preparation or guidance.

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Know who (besides you) and what is influencing your teenager part 2

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