Apr 26 2008

Where should your baby sleep?

Published by dodo at 3:31 pm under Baby, Children, Daddy, FairyTale, Family, Gift, Infant, Kids Bedding, Kids Clothing, Kids Game, Mommy, Newborn, Parenting, Pregnancy, Stroller, Toddler

By the time your baby arrives home for the first night, you will have had to address a basic question: Will she sleep in her own room, in a cradle or bassinet next to your bed, or in your bed right next to you? There are advocates for each of these arrangements.

Those who espouse sleeping with your baby point out that this is widely practiced throughout the world and that it gives the newborn a sense of security and comfort she won’t feel in a crib. Critics of shared sleeping raise concerns about parents accidentally rolling over and crushing the baby; however, the risk of this is remote. The more immediate concern is the potential disruption of parental sleep, intimacy, and privacy.

New babies don’t quietly nod off to sleep at 10 P.M. and wake up calmly eight hours later. They also don’t typically sleep silently during the few hours between feedings. As they pass through their REM sleep phases, they tend to move around and make all sorts of noises, often sounding as if they’re waking up. All of this activity isn’t easy to ignore, especially for new parents who tend to be tuned in and concerned, if not downright worried, about how their new arrival is doing. Unless you learn to screen out these distractions and respond only when she is truly awake and in need of your attention, you may find yourself woefully short on sleep and patience within a few days.

The other issue to consider is the effect on the mother and father’s relationship. If Mom and Dad are equally enthused about having a new bedmate, great. But many young couples aren’t prepared for the demands a new baby may place on them and especially on a mother who may have little energy left at the end of the day for maintaining her relationship with her husband. A father who feels that his wife’s attention is already consumed by the baby’s needs may begin to feel completely displaced if the baby is in his bed too.

KidsMany parents prefer to have their baby sleep in another room but wonder whether they will hear her if she needs them. They need not worry. An infant who is truly awake, hungry, and crying during the night is difficult to ignore. And new parents, especially moms, are uniquely tuned in to their baby’s nighttime vocalizing and will normally awaken at the first sounds of crying, even after sleeping through louder sounds such as the rumble of a passing truck.

The advantage of this arrangement is that parents will be less likely to be aroused repeatedly through the night by their baby’s assorted movements and noises during sleep. They will also avoid intervening too quickly during a restless period, which can accidentally interrupt a baby’s transition from active to quiet sleep. Having your baby sleep in another room may also increase her nighttime adaptability, allowing her to go to sleep in a variety of environments.

If you are truly concerned about hearing your baby when she first begins to cry, you can purchase an inexpensive electronic baby monitor, which will broadcast sounds from the baby’s room into yours. However, you may find that you are hearing (and possibly being kept awake by) a lot of “false alarms” as your baby stirs and makes a variety of sounds without actually awakening. On the other hand, it would be unwise to leave your baby in a place where you would be totally unable to hear her and then rely on a monitor to be your electronic ears. If the monitor failed for some reason, your baby might lie uncomfortable, crying, and unattended for an extended period of time.

Many parents prefer to place their newborn in a cradle next to their bed. In order to get any sleep, however, they will have to filter out the baby’s assorted nocturnal noises that do not need a response. Nevertheless, this arrangement may be useful with a newborn who has a difficult time settling during the night. If she is in another room, one or both parents may begin to feel like a yo-yo, circulating in and out of bed in response to repeated bouts of crying or fussing. These infants and their parents may have an easier time if they sleep in close proximity, so that Mom and Dad can offer nursing and comfort as often as needed without having to get up several times throughout the night.

As with the techniques you choose to help your baby settle down to sleep, you will need to determine which sleeping arrangements work best for your family and be flexible about the various possibilities. Moreover, it is important that parents keep their communications about this subject open with each other. If Mom is the one getting up to nurse a fussy baby and as a result spends more hours in the baby’s room than in her own bed, Dad may need to assume a larger share of the nighttime duties. He could, for example, bring the baby to Mom for nursing and then return her to her crib when the feeding is done. Similarly, if Dad is feeling an increasing distance from Mom because of a baby in their bed, Mom may need to be willing to empty the nighttime nest of offspring.

One of the tricky issues for parents who share their bed with one or more children is deciding when and how to reclaim their bed for themselves. Most children are more than happy to sleep with Mom and Dad well into or beyond their toddler years, and making the transition to their own bed may be easier said than done. Parents who routinely allow one or more babies and children in bed with them for months or years should regularly take stock of the effect this custom is having on their marriage. Regaining sexual intimacy after the birth of a child normally requires some time and effort for both parents. It may be far more challenging if there are more than two bodies in the marriage bed.

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